i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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