I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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