Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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