I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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