never play flip cup with pint glasses
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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