I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
