My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
