So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
