so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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