I like my sex mixed with concussions.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
