Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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