i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
