Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
