Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
