i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
