There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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