Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
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He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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