I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
