I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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