at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
