I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
