Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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