i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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