At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize