i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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