I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
