I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
