Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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