Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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