At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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