I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
