naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
