paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
