He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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