i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
