still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
