Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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