We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
