life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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