party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
