I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
