Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
