I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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