Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
