just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
