remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
