Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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