You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How does one acquire holy water?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
