There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
