Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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