yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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