Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize