he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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