I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
