Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
