clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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