Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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