Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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