Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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