I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
