I must be too annoying 4 u.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
