so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
