You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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