i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
